If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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