I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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