It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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