There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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