I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.