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so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Randomize
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