so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day