evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets