I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.