Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.