Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize