You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
