i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
