oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
