I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
