Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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