I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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