singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
