bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
