I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
