I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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