At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
