And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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