i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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