don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
