Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
