why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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