Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
