Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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