Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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