My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
