Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
