we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
