And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
