Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
