The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
