areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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