genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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