Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
