Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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