Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
