Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My pussy is not your playground.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
