We won't sleep together?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
