if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
