Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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