you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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