I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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