Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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