ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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