Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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