no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
