Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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