There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
