you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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