Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
