oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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