I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
honey bunches of taint.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
