last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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