She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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