do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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