She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
