i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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