I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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