Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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