when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
