I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
